Masse-sedä's Christmas Puzzle 2021

[Masse]

Uncle Masse’s Christmas Nut 2021

Uncle’s super-popular Nuts have previously soared through places like Greece, Iceland, and the heartlands of Savo. Now, with the corona-devil raging again, it’s better to stay safely on domestic soil and head to Ostrobothnia, that home of hearty tales, and dive into the joyous pre-Christmas season. The story of this Nut is true, but it may contain small amounts of so-called questionable material, so it is not recommended for minors, the overly serious, or the high-and-mighty moral guardians :

It was the late 80s, and in a side village of Seinäjoki lived a curvaceous and sprightly young lady who worked day shifts at an accounting firm in the city center. Farming alone, even back then, wasn’t enough to keep farming families in bread. On a Friday evening in early December, there was a pre-Christmas party at the office as usual, and the lady didn’t have time to swing by home, so she just quickly changed into fishnets, a little black dress, and high heels in the office bathroom.

It had been raining during the day, but by evening the air began to dry and freeze nicely. The party evening went pleasantly in a bit of a tipsy haze, eating, drinking, dancing, and singing. But the young lady was of Pietist (körttiläinen) stock and remembered well that she had promised her husband she’d take a taxi home shortly after midnight. This was done, and the 30km stretch of asphalt in the front seat of the taxi passed quickly with some singing. But then, turning onto the village road leading to her home, a surprise awaited right behind the first corner: the road ahead was solid ice, and the taxi driver slammed on the brakes, refusing to drive any further—he’d be lucky if he even dared to reverse back to the main road in the pitch black!!!

Good Lord, what a situation! There were still a solid 2km to the home farm, it was past one in the morning, and she was stuck in a car with a complete stranger of a taxi driver…

But how did the situation progress and eventually get resolved?
Below are four options for the forum members. Feel free to answer how you think the story ended. Preferably include a concise justification. If none of the options seem right or believable, tell the forum your own proposed solution. On Boxing Day, Uncle Masse will then tell you how the story actually ended…

1. The young lady thought for a moment, paid the taxi, pulled off her heels, dove into the ditch of the pitch-black road, and started to struggle through the woods, fumbling her way toward the farmhouse. The story doesn’t say if the lady ever made it.
2. The taxi driver smelled a money-making opportunity: after collecting the fare, the man dug out an old pair of size 46 hockey skates and a broken hockey stick from the trunk of the Mercedes, sold them to the lady for 400 marks, kindly helped the skates onto her fishnet-covered feet, pushed the lady onto the ice, wished her luck, and quickly sped away.
3. After sitting in the front seat of the taxi for a while, the young lady noticed that the driver’s hand had lingered on her thigh more often than probability would allow. This sent the lady into a state of panic; she bolted out of the car without paying, scrambled falling toward a hunting tower looming ahead, and soon a wolf-like, desperate howling began to emanate from the tower.
4. The young lady and the taxi driver mutually realized the hopelessness of the situation and headed back to Seinäjoki in the taxi, got wasted at the Sorsanpesä nightclub, and then went for after-party drinks at the driver’s place, who was thanking his lucky stars. Again, the story doesn’t tell what happened in the morning…

Have a Very Pleasant Christmas! Ho! Ho!

Masse-Santa, FA, as an investor just Mr. Average, but in the entertainment component of investing, top-tier A-group

[anon38833097]

"One almost has to use the elimination method here. For Ostrobothnians, ice hockey is an almost unknown concept, and skates are mostly used for mowing fields (because no other use has been found for them). It’s also unlikely anyone there knows how to tie skates, so let’s forget option 2. Option three is also impossible because the taxi driver would likely have gotten hit by an Ostrobothnian woman, who tend to be a bit fiery. Option four is also quite hard to believe, because in addition to her faithfulness, the maiden is somewhat afraid of her ill-tempered husband, who likes to brandish a knife when drunk on moonshine. Option one doesn’t really seem credible either, because Ostrobothnians tend to get their way, as for some reason they don’t want to accept a negative answer. So there’s no other option but five, where the woman forces the driver to take her all the way home. The woman threatens the driver with her husband, whom she claims is a knife-wielding ruffian. After all, the 80s were the worst time for knife fights in Ostrobothnia. It’s still quite rowdy there, but not as wild anymore. So I answer 5 with my own answer.

Too easy ;)"

[Boomer]

The lady paid for the taxi, sharpened the heel of her right shoe, then removed the heel of her left shoe, and finally shuffled home in a curling style.

[kabu]

I’d guess 5:
As a clever country lady, madam first cuts off the heels from her high heels and then rips off her stockings and makes non-slip soles for her shoes out of them!

Thanks for the riddle and Merry Christmas, @Masse and other forum members.

[Onni_Maiha]

I’m guessing 6:
Despite a bad hangover, the taxi driver agrees to reverse the last few kilometers into the house’s driveway so that, if necessary, they can drive forward back to the main road. Since we are in Ostrobothnia, there are no hills to worry about. The lady sits kneeling in the passenger seat, facing backward, with her head and a hand holding a flashlight sticking out of the side window, giving instructions to the driver. A couple of times, there’s a disagreement about which is right and which is left, and speed is sought with mutual heavy cursing and the lady pushing from the side of the bank. Fortunately, the banks are low and ditch-free, so eventually, after an hour of reversing, they reach their destination.

[Tipitityy]

I’ll make a boring guess: number 1.
The lady swapped her high heels for proper basic winter boots that offer more grip than average brakes. As a country bumpkin who isn’t afraid of a short forest stroll, she happily made it home a little less tipsy than she was when she left the taxi.

[Wallet_Buffet_Omahan]

In the present, this would be resolved with Nordea or cash. Let’s go with 4 in spirit. It also leaves open the option for a didactic ending and further discussions.

[Ale]

I say alternative 2. It sounds so funny, crazy, and who would even come up with something like that if it hadn’t happened. Only Finns would do something similar.

Masse-pukki, FA, the best of storytellers.

Merry Christmas everyone.

[Iiizi]

Points for the elimination method. Although the taxi driver wasn’t from Ostrobothnia (Pohjanmaa), so the skates very well could have been in the trunk as a memento of years spent among civilization.

Or the lady calls her prince, who comes roaring in on his white horse (red tractor) from Ostrobothnia, picking up his lady with her heels intact, right to their doorstep?

[Masse]

So far, absolutely incredibly great solutions to the puzzle! Keep going and let your imagination fly!!

But what was the real ending of the story? Uncle Masse unfortunately has a full lock-up until Boxing Day evening, so he won’t be able to help you before then.

Uncle Masse, FA, the forum is growing some absolutely brilliant storytellers, YES!

[toma]

What if the correct answer was a dash of each option?

So, perhaps the story went that the lady thought for a while, paid the taxi, took off her high heels and put on ice skates. Holding onto a hockey stick, the lady and the taxi driver then set off into the pitch-dark wilderness, with the taxi driver pulling and the lady sliding behind him on her skates. Panicked, stumbling and falling, they slipped towards their home in the distance, howling in terror. Thanking their good fortune, they arrived safely, but again the story doesn’t tell what happened in the morning.

Merry Christmas and thank you, Uncle Masse, for the tricky Christmas riddle!

[Honk_for_Stonks]

Yes, 4 is the most logical option, and also has the highest probability.

[Bondi]

I suspect all the given options are untrue. A true gentleman taxi driver would have relied on his high ground clearance 4WD premium vehicle, turned on the heat in the cabin for the lady, and played music from his premium audio system to maintain the atmosphere while he went to install the chains waiting in the trunk onto the wheels. After this, the journey would have continued smoothly and steadily all the way to the lady’s home, where the gentleman taxi driver escorted the lady to her front door and ensured his customer’s unhindered entry. Impressed by this, the lady and her spouse, awakened by the rumble of the large diesel engine, profusely thanked the professional gentleman taxi driver, giving him double the fare and a pre-Christmas package, the exact contents of which the story does not reveal.

[Pikka1]

Another option:
Before the lady can decide what to do, a beam of light cuts through the darkness, unmistakable: Her lovely old man has come to pick her up!

The master had been waiting for his wife to return home for a while when he noticed from the thermometer that the rainy evening had turned frosty. Around midnight, the master had searched the top drawer of the dresser for the tractor keys and snatched his wolf-skin coat from the coat rack. A familiar master from the village of Napue had brought a sample of his latest gin experiment that day, and the master decided to take the bottle with him.

The master waits patiently for his wife by the roadside. He sips the experimental gin to pass the time and reckons his acquaintance will go far with his Napue gin. The taste has undeniably improved with each batch. When the master sees the taxi appear at the intersection, he pops a “believer’s lozenge” into his mouth from his wolf-skin coat pocket. The wife doesn’t really like even a slightly tipsy drive, not even on their home road. The taxi stops abruptly on the road. Nothing seems to happen for a long time. The master turns on the Zetor’s headlight. The other lamp has been dark for a week, but the master hasn’t had time to change it due to his busy schedule. Now the wife gets out of the taxi. Oh Jesus, what a handsome mistress, the master admires his scantily clad wife, and opens his wolf-skin coat. It has suddenly gotten hot in the cabin. The taxi disappears into the night, and the master drives closer. The wife lifts the hem of her short skirt and climbs into the Zetor’s cabin. She smells peppermint on the master’s breath, but from his swaggering demeanor, she concludes that other things have also been tasted. The wife’s own head already feels clear. The wife sits on the master’s lap and wraps herself in the folds of the wolf-skin coat. The wife shifts into gear and grabs the steering wheel. She turns the Zetor at the intersection, and the journey home begins. The duo’s journey continues, bouncing along the uneven road. The wife notices that the bouncing is stirring life in the master’s loins and laughs aloud: Why not, if the day’s condition is once enough.

For reasons of privacy and modesty, I conclude the description of events here. The continuation of the events can be inferred by everyone with the inevitable certainty that causality with its cause-and-effect relationships grants us.

And what about the taxi driver: He drives to the church with a disappointed heart. This time, too, his daydream of a capable mistress’s warm embrace did not come true. A shooting star arcs across the sky opening before him. The taxi driver cannot resist making a wish.

[Rauski1]

Rauski doesn’t know the Ostrobothnia region well, but none of the four given options sound likely. I believe that Mrs. saw an excellent opportunity to marvel at how, despite his handsome appearance, the taxi driver was not a master of driving on slippery roads. Mrs. would have so hoped the evening ended with a shared ride on the slippery roads. Perhaps Mrs. should inquire at the village taxi center if a colleague of the driver, familiar with slippery conditions and skilled enough to go all the way, could be found on duty. This way, the taxi driver simply wouldn’t be able to refuse continuing the journey.

[Wappie]

None of the above, although the first would best suit the Ostrobothnian temperament.

The taxi, of course, had a Nokia mobile phone/car phone, which was used to contact the home farm. The farmer then arrived with a tractor or some other vehicle with better traction to rescue the young lady from her predicament. The lady negotiated the fare down to half price since the journey was cut short anyway.

[Sijoittaja-alokas]

@Masse’s original story and options are not true in my opinion. This is how it went, many things might come as a surprise and shock now, but here’s the truth.

[Derek_Moonshine]

In the rural areas of the 80s, the normal solution would have been for the lady to wait at that spot or in the deer stand visible in the background, and the taxi driver would promise to call the innkeeper for the master of the house once he returned to the village. Since it’s winter, a time when farmhands are doing forest work, the tractor naturally has chains on, so the master, awakened by the phone call, would drop the logging trailer and rattle off with his Valmet to pick up his wife.

[Wappie]

[Contrafun]

Option 1 doesn’t sound right. It was a starry, frosty night, straight out of a Van Gogh painting. The farmer’s wife wouldn’t have needed to feel her way along the familiar road home. But it’s not safe to walk on a mirror-smooth, icy village road in high heels.

Option 2 doesn’t sound right either. Ice hockey might not have been a very common hobby in Ostrobothnia in the 80s. Seinäjoki’s first ice rink wasn’t completed until around 1985. The only sports equipment likely found in the taxi driver’s trunk was a pesäpallo (Finnish baseball) bat, signed by Mailajussit’s catcher Pyhälahti. He wouldn’t dare give it to the lady as a walking stick, as it was such a memorable item for him.

Option 3 is out of the question, as a down-to-earth farmer’s wife from Ostrobothnia would hardly panic over so little. And certainly wouldn’t start howling like Paasilinna’s howling miller Huttunen.

Option 4 is also out of the question, as the taxi driver, during the boom years of the 80s, didn’t have time to go to nightclubs as a customer during the pre-Christmas party season. The driver had to make a living. He most likely used his saved funds for government bonds and commercial bank shares. He considered them safe long-term investments. The rest of the funds rested in a savings account. At that time in the 80s, ordinary deposits and certain bonds were still tax-free for individuals.

The farmer’s wife would hardly dare take an expensive taxi back to Sorsanpesä in Törnävä or to Hotel Lakeus in the city center. If the husband’s Zetor didn’t start sputtering in the frosty weather, the wife had very few options. The wife had no choice but to go to the nearest house at the beginning of the village road for the night. Kaisa’s beer trip played tricks, and the wife didn’t return home for the night from the pre-Christmas party.